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The ABCs of the Loud House
My thirteenth fanfiction. WOW! It has been a REAL long time since I released something. Well, many obstacles were encountered, whether it'd be real life, or actually related to my stories. Well, after a whole lot of cleaning up (which includes deleting works I'm not proud of anymore, and stories starring my OCs that I decided to shelve), I decided to make something fresh. Hope you like it. 26 letters, 26 different stories featuring the Loud Family, 1 big collection. A is for App (Leni is on the couch, scrolling through her phone for fashion sales) Leni: Lets see. Is there anything good? (As Leni continues scrolling, an ad pops up, saying "Press to Dress". Intrigued, Leni clicks on the app, and is redirected to her phone's app store, where it tells her she needs to download the app first. After downloading it, she opens the app, and reads the instructions) "HOW THIS WORKS: Just click on the dress, and you'll get a dress made." (With that in mind, Leni hits "OK", and sees a dress onscreen. She taps it, and gets a point. Seeing that she got a dress, she continually keeps on clicking the dress to earn more. Without warning, Leni has entered a trance, and can't stop) DINNERTIME (As the family eats dinner, Lori notices Leni's fingers wiggling at a fast pace) Lori: Leni, could you stop wiggling your fingers? The whole table is literally shaking. Leni: (monotone) Making... dresses… (Suspicious, Lori checks Leni's phone, and sees the "Press to Dress" app) Lori: Oh, poor, innocent Leni. Another victim to freemium apps. B is for Ball (Morning, as Lily wakes up, she notices something she has never seen before: a bright red ball with pink stripes. As Lily coos with excitement, the family comes in, and exclaim...) Family: Surprise! (Lily giggles with enjoyment, and begins hugging the ball) Lincoln: Look at her, already taking an instant liking to the ball. Lola: At least it won’t make that much noise, unlike the last toy we got her. (The family remembers the day Lily wouldn’t stop listening to a toy that was so horrible, they had to call it “The Demon Toy”. The thought of that made the family shudder in terror) Lori: I think it’s best not to bring it up. C is for Cookies (As the siblings do their usual hobbies in the living room, a scrumptious smell seeps into the room, immediately catching everyone's attention) Lana: Something smells delicious! (Immediately afterwards, the siblings rush to the kitchen, and are awestruck at what they see: a fresh batch of cookies) Lynn Sr.: Hey, kids. I found a recipe book hidden in the attic, and I decided to give it a look, and I found this amazing recipe for peanut butter cookies. However, I have to warn you that the cookies are still hot, so give them a moment to cool down. (As Lynn Sr. leaves, the kids rush up to the tray with drooling mouths) Lincoln: They look so... so… Luan: Good? Lincoln: Yeah. Luan: That’s a fortune! (laughs) Get it? (The siblings groan) Leni: So bad. Luan: Oh, come on. Dough-n’t believe me? (The siblings groan louder) Lisa: Elder sibling, please refrain from saying those tongue-in-cheek quips. Leni: I thought your tongue was in your cheeks. Luan: It is, filling the inside of your mouth. (As Luan cackles as yet another one of her jokes, Lola suddenly grabs two cookies, and throws them right onto Luan’s face, burning her cheeks. The pain spreading across her face causes Luan to scream in pain, and run upstairs) Lola: I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles. (The siblings laugh) D is for Distance (Lincoln, needing to use the restroom, begins approaching the bathroom. However, as he approaches the bathroom, a low rustling sound catches his attention. He stops walking, turns around, and sees Lucy standing on the opposite side of the hallway) Lincoln: Okay… (As Lincoln continues to approach the bathroom, he hears another rustle. Stopping once again, he looks behind him, and discovers that Lucy has moved closer. Undeterred, Lincoln continues to head to the bathroom, and without warning, he turns around to see if Lucy moved closer, but to his discovery, Lucy is missing. Thinking she left, Lincoln turns around, suddenly, Lucy appears in front of him, making him fall over) Lincoln: How do you do that? Lucy: Like they always on those ghost shows, it’s a mystery. E is for Educate (At school, Lisa is in her kindergarten class, learning how to do simple addition with Darcy) Darcy: 2 plus 2 is uhh… uh.... Lisa: Think hard, friend. Darcy: Uh… four! Lisa: Excellent, Darcy. You verbal calculations will lead you to become a excellent counter. Darcy: (giggles) You’re silly, Lisa. Lisa: I’ll just let that pass. F is for Flatulence (Lori is home alone, eating some leftover beans from last night’s dinner) Lori: These beans are literally some of the best I’ve had. (suddenly, her stomach rumbles, and a second later, she lets out a fart) Oh, excuse me. (Moments later, the siblings arrive back home, and notice that it smells weird) Lana: It smells gassy. Lincoln: It’s probably Lori having those leftover beans. Lisa: That can only mean one thing. Lori: Hey, guys. How was your day? Lisa: It was standard as usual. Sensing the smell of cooked beans, are you releasing the internal gases you people call farts? Lori: No! That was my shoe! Lola: Oh, yeah? Prove it. (Lori wiggles her feet, trying to get her shoes to make a fart-like sound. Stopping to catch her breath, she suddenly lets out another fart) Lucy: What about that one? Lori: It was the floorboards on the staircase! Luan: Ahem. (She points over to the staircase, which the siblings are not standing on) Lori: (defeated) Dang it… G is for Game (The Squirrels are playing against their neighboring rivals. Lynn is at the bat) Announcer: Next up is Lynn Loud. Everyone on her teams knows that she can’t do anything without doing her good luck rituals first. Her team must be lucky to have her, right Pep? Pep: I’d be lucky if this was over. (Just before Lynn can let the pitcher throw the ball, Lynn beings doing her good luck rituals. As she does, everyone in the audience quickly grow bored of her monotonous rituals) Margo: Can she ever hurry this up? Teammate: I can tell we’re going to be here longer than usual when she’s up. H is for Homework (Lincoln is doing English homework in the dining room) Lincoln: “What’s one Shakespeare that inspires you?” Hmm… (Lincoln looks over to Bun-Bun, which he has right by his side, and he immediately thinks of something) THE NEXT DAY Lincoln: For the Shakespeare quote that inspires me, I decided to use the Hamlet quote “If we are true to ourselves, we can not be false to anyone.” I decided to use this quote because even if I’m not that common with my sisters, whether it’d be my two oldest sisters’ obsession with fashion, or the twins’ fascination with the pretty and the ugly, I’m still proud of who I am, simply because I stand out. It also makes me glad I’m the only boy. Thank you. Mrs. Johnson: Good job, Lincoln. Very inspirational. (Lincoln heads back to his desk) Clyde: Nice job, buddy. What was the inspiration? Lincoln: Let’s just say a certain stuffed bunny was my inspiration. Chandler: Ha ha! Did you hear that? Larry still plays with stuffed animals! (Without warning, Clyde tosses his orange smack dab onto Chandler’s face, making him fall off his desk) Clyde: Stuff that! (to Lincoln) Uhh… reflex? I is for Ice Cream (Late at night, the twins are watching TV while eating ice cream sundaes. Lana, wanting to improve the taste of her sundae, pulls out some kind of cookie, and crumbles it on top of her sundae. Lola notices this) Lola: Ooh, you’re adding cookies onto your sundae? Lana: Yeah. Lola: Can I try? Lana: I think it’s best if you don’t. Lola: Oh, come on. It wouldn’t hurt to try. (Lola takes her spoon, grabs a scoop of Lana’s ice cream, and takes a bite. However, upon stuffing it in her mouth, Lola screams in utter horror, and runs up to the bathroom sink to vomit) Lana: I knew she wouldn’t like the taste of dog biscuits. (Lana goes back to eating her now dog biscuit laced sundae, while Lola continues to scrub the taste of dog biscuit off her tongue) J is for Jam (Luna, getting herself ready for a late night gig, is getting her siblings together so they can listen to her performance. Once they meet up…) Luna: Okay, dudes. I’m about to make another big break tonight, and I’ve got this sweet guitar solo. As I play, give me your honest thoughts on it, okay? Siblings: Okay! (Taking a sip of water, and cranking her amps to the proper settings, Luna begins shredding her guitar with all of her might. Suddenly, as she jams out, her cup of water falls over from the vibrations, causing the amp to release some electricity. One of the bolts strikes the siblings, burning them, and making their hair stand on edge. At that moment, Luna finishes) Luna: So? (The siblings, obviously injured, fall over from the pain) Luan: (painfully) I’d say it was electric. Lincoln: (painfully) Really, at this time? K is for Knickknack (Lynn Sr. is going through his closet, looking at some of the things that made his past. While digging up some stuff, he comes across a box) Lynn Sr.: I wonder what this is. (He opens up the box, and is surprised to see what it was. It was a small action figure that had several faces) Lynn Sr.: Multi-Face. I remember when my papa got me this thing at a convention. I might as well put it on display in the living room. (Lynn Sr. walks into the living room, and places the 5 inch figure on the mantle, right by the family portrait) LATER (The family is eating dinner, but everyone’s quiet for some reason) Lynn Sr.: Hey, fam. How’s the food? Lincoln: Uhh… it’s fine. Leni: At least it’s better than that thing in the living room. Rita: Heh heh. Uh, honey, where did you find that figure? Lynn Sr.: Um, our closet. Rita: how far back? Lynn Sr.: Very back? Rita: Yeah, you know what that sign means? Lynn Sr.: (suddenly realizing) Oh boy… L is for List (In the kitchen, Rita is getting ready to go to the grocery store. On the counter is her shopping list. As Rita looks for her keys, Leni comes in with her own shopping list, wanting to go to the mall. She puts her list on the counter, walks up to the fridge to get a glass of juice, picks up her list, and leaves. Rita having found the keys, grabs her list, gets into Vanzilla, and drives off. At the store, Rita pulls out her list) Rita: Let’s see. Black denim pants, satin-- wait a minute! (she looks closer at the list, and realizes it’s Leni’s shopping list) Dang it, Leni! (Back at the house, Leni is examining the list she got, which is actually Rita’s shopping list) Leni: What kind of fabric is called “quinoa”? Lori: Did you get your and Mom’s lists mixed up again? Leni: I’m not sure. M is for Makeover (Lola is in her room, giving makeovers to some of stuffed dolls) Lola: Alright, who’s next? (Lola sticks her hands in her stuffed doll pile, and pulls out Mr. Sprinkles) Lola: Oh, Mr. Sprinkles. You really for beautification? Mr Sprinkles: Lola: Goodie! (Lola gives the stuffed bear an extensive makeover. The result is that the bear now has mascara, blush, and lipstick) Lola: So, what do you think? Mr. Sprinkles: Lola: No, you can’t have more lipstick. (Lola puts Mr. Sprinkles aside) Who’s next? (Lola sticks her hand into the pile, and pulls out an unusual type of stuffed doll: a simple piece of broccoli) Lola: When did I get this? N is for Newt (Lana runs into the house and into her room with a new creature in her hands) Lana: Check it out, guys. I found this slimy creature in our backyard. (Lana puts the creature on the floor, and upon seeing it, Lana’s pet begin hissing at it in both disgust and fear. Rita and Lynn Sr. arrive) Lynn Sr.: I heard hissing. What’s going on? (They see the creature on the floor) Rita: Oh my gosh! Is that a newt?! Lana: I don’t know. Is it? Lynn Sr.: They’re poisonous! (Lana, realizing that she might be infected, slowly backs away from the newt) Lana: Forget any of this happened, and get the shovel so we can forget about this creature. O is for Observe (At the dentist’s office, Rita is examining a patient’s teeth) Patient: Ahh… Rita: Don’t worry, kid. This is just a quick observation. (As Rita observes the patient’s teeth, she discovers a small leaf lodged between two teeth. Not wanting the little leaf to stay there, Rita grabs the pick, and picks at it, getting it loose. Getting the tweezers, she manages to pluck out the stuck leaf) Rita: All done. Your teeth are in perfect condition. Patient: Thanks! (As the patient exits the office, Dr. Feinstein comes in) Dr. Feinstein: No reprimands? Rita: Oh, come on, doctor. I didn’t want to hurt his self-esteem. P is for Patience (Dinnertime. The family is awaiting Lynn Sr.’s cooking) Leni: Can you like, hurry up, Dad? I’m starving. Lynn Sr.: Just give it a few more minutes, honey. This casserole won’t be perfect if undercooked. Lynn: Undercooked or not, I’m dying of starvation. (Lincoln notices the baskets of bread) Lincoln: What about eating the bread right in front of us? It’ll probably pass the time. Luna: Good call, bro. (The family takes a slice of bread from the basket, and wolf them down) SEVERAL MINUTES LATER Lynn Sr.: Dinner is served. Lincoln: I think we’ll pass tonight. The bread was pretty addicting. Lynn Sr.: Note to self: don’t make bread sides for next meal. Q is for Quilt (Leni has spent an entire week working on a special quilt for her bed. It’s composed entirely of lavender squares. While adding on the finishing touches, Lori comes in examines it) Lori: Is this what the quilt is going to look like? Leni: Yep. I’m like, so in love with it. Lori: (backing away) Good for you… (Lori exits the room, and meets up with the others) Lola: The quilt doesn’t look good? Lori: It’s not bad, but it’s just… too basic. I don’t think she knows that a good quilt needs to have at least a pattern. Lincoln: Well, too late to make her turn back. R is for Rattle (Lincoln is in the living room, watching TV. Right beside him is Lily, who is playing with a rattle. Getting annoyed with the rattle’s noise, Lincoln attempts to turn up the volume on the TV, but as he does, he’s suddenly entranced to the rattle’s noise, and takes it from Lily) Lincoln: (dazed) How do they make these so fascinating? (As Lincoln shakes the rattle, Lily begins giggling, believing that Lincoln is shaking it for her) S is for Sci-Fi (Outer space. A UFO is flying through the cosmos) Alien 1: Set course for Earth, known throughout the universe as the Blue Marble. (As the saucer flies through space, the saucer is hit by a stray asteroid) Alien 2: Emergency, partner! We’ve been hit! Alien 1: Evasive maneuvers! (As the saucer begins dodging asteroids left and right, one of the asteroids grows a mouth, and a familiar voice cries out…) Asteroid: Lincoln! (Suddenly, everything is cut to back to reality. Lincoln was actually playing with two confiscated pie tins he modeled into a saucer. Lori is standing right in front of him, clearly unimpressed) Lori: Lincoln, could you literally stop acting like a doofus? This laundry isn’t going to get any cleaner when you get in the way. Lincoln: Fine. (in an alien voice) Set a new course. (Lincoln runs out of the house to get back to playing) T is for Tea (Lola is having a tea party with her stuffed animals. Grabbing her tea kettle, she starts brewing the tea. As she fills the kettle with water, she tries to reach for the earl grey tea, but unknowingly grabs the packets for green tea) Lola: Let’s see. Earl grey is usually brewed as 212. (Lola sets her oven to 212 degrees, and moments later, the kettle begins whistling. Picking up her kettle, she pours tea into the individual teacups) Lola: Remember, people: pinkies out. (Sticking her pinkie out, Lola takes a sip of her tea, and quickly spits it out) Lola: Blech! Green tea! How did that happen? U is for Underwater (Lisa is in the bathtub, taking a bath) Lisa: I don’t see why my motherly unit would call this “bath time” entertaining. She always said “use your imagination”, but I clearly have better intentions for my mind. (As Lisa sighs, she begins sinking into the water. Suddenly, she sees herself in a submarine, examining the beauty of the underwater world) Captain: Crewmate, how’s the view? Lisa: It’s quite magnificent, Captain. (notices something) Wait, hold on… (Lisa notices a pineapple sitting on the ocean floor) Captain: What did you see. Lisa: It looked like some kind of pineapple. Something tells me that there’s actually a creature living in it. Captain: Poppycock! Lisa: Yeah, you’re right. Besides, it’s not like the fish are sentient. (Suddenly, the submarine begins shaking) Captain: It’s coming from below! (A whale is revealed to be right below the sub, and is pushing it up. Suddenly, Lisa is brought back up to the surface by Rita) Rita: Lisa, honey. I think you’ve had enough bath time. (As Lisa begins drying herself, she ponders…) Lisa: The underwater world really is quite fascinating. V is for Vinyl (Luna is shopping at The Spin Cycle) Record Store Owner: Well, well, well. If it isn’t my former employee. Luna: Yep, I’m the one. Record Store Owner: Okay, but enough talking about the past. Whatcha looking for? Luna: I’m trying to find a Murky Bottoms album. I read that Mick Swagger dedicated his entire career to him, and thought I’d give a listen to his music. Record Store Owner: Here’s a problem: you’re looking at the wrong section. Murky Bottoms is over here, in the dedication zone. (The Record Store Owner guides the rockstar over to the designated part of the store, and to her discovery, the shelves are loaded with some of the most iconic albums in history. The only downside: they’re ridiculously expensive) Luna: $80 for one Murky Bottoms alum?! Record Store Owner: Yep. The more legendary the artist’s album is, the more expensive it is. I mean, there’s a Broadway musical with more than twenty songs, and they were all written by one guy. Do you know how expensive its vinyl is? Luna: I think I believe you. Well, I’m many bucks short. Maybe next time? Record Store Owner: Maybe. W is for Window (Lynn is practicing her pitches in the backyard. When she hits one ball, it flies right into the last place where she wants it to go: Mr. Grouse’s window) Mr. Grouse: LOUD!!! Lynn: Uh, oh! (Lynn tries to sneak into the house, but upon opening the door, her parents are already right there) Rita: We know what you did. Lynn: How? Lynn Sr.: Oh, let’s see: we heard glass break, and our grouchy neighbor screamed out our name like it’s Christmas. Rita: As the general rule states, you break it, you buy it. Lynn: Dang it. X is for Xylophone (Luan is in her room, trying to think of her next prank to pull. As she looks around, she spots a xylophone on the floor) Luan: I got it. (Luan grabs the xylophone and its mallets. She peeks out the door, and sees Lincoln about to head downstairs. Just as Lincoln begins walking down, Luan playing the xylophone in a descending tone) Lincoln: Did the staircase sound different for some reason? (A second later, Lori arrives, and Luan begins playing two notes in rapid succession, giving the impression that someone is tip-toeing behind her) Lori: Is someone there? (Lori looks behind her, and sees Leni behind her) Leni, are you sneaking up on me? Leni: No… (As Lori and Leni head for the stairs, Luan begins playing the two notes again) Lori: Leni, something tells me you’re really sneaking up on me. Leni: Whatevs… (Luan couldn’t help but snicker at her siblings falling for these false sounds) Y is for Yield (Lori is driving home from the mall. Needing to turn at the intersection, Lori gets into the turning lane, and looks over to see if it’s clear. As she drives forward, she continues to look over to see if it’s still clear. She clears the turn, when suddenly, she hits something right in front of her. It turns out she rear-ended another car, and the owner, an elderly woman with a bad reputation with the Louds, is not happy) Mrs. Jelinsky: Why you! Lori: Mrs. Jelinsky, I’m literally sorry for the accident. I didn’t notice. I was too busy looking behind me for oncoming traffic. (Mrs. Jelinsky whacks the top of Lori’s head with her cane) Mrs. Jelinsky: Fool! You do know that you still have to look in front of you. Lori: I know… lesson learned. Z is for Zone (Lucy, wanting to find a good place to work on her poetry, climbs into the attic. She finds what was once her secret dark place, but ever since that escapade with the hunt for money, it has since been refurbished and given more light) Lucy: I remember when this area was covered with dust in every corner, and regardless if the door was open or not, it would still be pitch black. How I miss it. (While leaning on a box, she suddenly knocks the stack over. This gives Lucy an idea. She takes the fallen boxes, and constructs a barrier that covers up a portion of the attic. After putting up the last few boxes, Lucy pulls a loose box from the stack, crawls through it, and places the box back. Lucy now has her secret dark place back to normal, even if there’s not as much dust as there was. Seeing how good it is to feel secluded again, Lucy takes her poetry book, and jots down a poem, and recites it…) Darkness No visibility No bro or sis I am free Darkness'''' The End Did you know? * The inspiration for this story was the freedom to do whatever you want in skit comedy shows like MAD and Right Now Kapow (it's a very underrated show, IMO). Because these are all separate stories, I don't have to worry about any continuity whatsoever. * Right from the start, I already had an idea on Lori refusing to admit that she has a flatulence problem, and wanted to joke around that. * To make sure I gave everyone equal billing, each member of the Loud family has two stories, each one on opposite halves of the alphabet. * "Press to Dress" is an obvious parody of Cookie Clicker. * Multi-Face, the action figure Lynn Sr. finds is a parody of the He-Man character, Man-E-Faces. * The joke about the Multi-Face action figure creeping out the kids is a reference to a gag in TV shows where things that are hidden deep in someone's closet are things that people want to try to forget about. * The joke of Lola finding a stuffed broccoli doll in her pile derives from "The Crying Dame", where one of the stuffed dolls in Lola's pile is actually a piece of broccoli. * The Broadway musical the Record Store Owner was referring to was Hamilton, where there are over 40 songs, all of which were written by Lin-Manuel Miranda, and the vinyl album is nearly $80. * The joke of Luan pranking her siblings with a xylophone comes from The Simpsons episode "Coming to Homerica", where Homer admits that he has xylophobia (the fear of xylophones), becasue "it's the instrument you hear when skeletons are dancing", and literally a second later, Mr. Largo leaves the town hall by tip-toeing out of the building while using a xylophone to emphasize his motion. * Lucy mentions her secret dark place, and how it was cleaned up from the events of "It's a Loud, Loud, Loud, Loud, House". Cast * Collin Dean as Lincoln * Catherine Taber as Lori * Liliana Mumy as Leni * Nika Futterman as Luna * Cristina Pucelli as Luan * Jessica DiCicco as Lynn, Lucy * Grey Griffin as Lana, Lola, Lily * Lara Jill Miller as Lisa, Margo * Jill Talley as Rita * Brian Stepanek as Lynn Sr. * Caleel Harris as Clyde * John DiMaggio as Mr. Grouse, Pep * Mariel Sheets as Darcy * Daniel Divenere as Chandler * Jamie Kahler as Announcer * Susanne Blakeslee as Mrs. Johnson, Mrs. Jelinsky * Charlie Schlatter as Dr. Feinstein, Captain * James Arnold Taylor as Record Store Owner Category:Episodes